Typically, people believe that emotions are good and bad. Are they really? It can be argued that seeing the world through good/bad, right/wrong, either/or, and black/white perspective is very limited. Sure, these types of dichotomous thinking save us time, they are short cuts to decision making and help to simplify our complex world.
Although there is a problem, dichotomies are not accurate. Over time, using dichotomous thinking to navigate your world becomes the ‘truth’. This ‘truth’ becomes an unconscious mindset that affects people’s communication style, parenting style, teaching style, and leadership style. ‘Truth’ based on dichotomous thinking is a myth. This ‘truth’ becomes unconscious and is no longer challenged. People become comfortable and believe that is the way the world is.
Over time people become more and more uncomfortable engaging in open discourse with family and friends. People become intolerant to different points of view and can become very upset to any challenge to their unconscious ‘truth’.
Dichotomous Thinking
It is fair to say that human beings have been conditioned to think in polar opposites. This type of thinking allows for only two options. Right/wrong is a well-known example of dichotomous thinking. For example, from the dichotomous perspective, if two people are having an argument, one party must be right and by default the other party wrong. However, when they put the right/wrong assumption aside, they can observe two people feeling strongly about the topic. Neither party is right or wrong, they just hold different perspectives.
Resolving Conflict
This said argument can be resolved very quickly if each party chooses to be open. In this case, they become aware of their intention to stop being right. Both parties intend to hear each other. When two people take this perspective, right/wrong becomes less important and people engage in learning from each other. This change can only happen if the relationship is important to both parties and those involved are willing to work hard to resolve this conflict. How do you hear different points of view when the point of view that you hold is really important to you?
First, understand that your point of view is not the ‘truth’. Second, consider other points of view that are valid. Third, develop self-awareness and realise that you are looking out through your eyes. You are looking through a filter. This filter is not right or wrong, it is your filter (how you see the world). Fourth, when you are aware that you are looking through a filter, it becomes easier to open to another point of view because you are not so defensive and argumentative. Fifth, when you let go of dichotomous thinking (right/wrong, good/bad), it is easier to hear others. In this moment a healthy conversation is possible.