The “Father of American Psychology”, William James (1884, p. 189) once wrote: “It is a real intellectual delight to get a problem solved, and a real intellectual torment to have to leave it unfinished”.
Maybe that is how James felt about the question that remained unanswered before his death and this same question remains unanswered to this current day, one hundred and forty years later. The question that James asked is “What is an Emotion?” James made the point that for those who are unfamiliar with bodily feelings, it may seem surprising how many bodily sensations are characteristic for each emotion. The reason most people do not even consider connecting to their emotions or sensations is because it hurts. Feelings tend to be uncomfortable, and most people are motivated to avoid feeling uncomfortable.
Uncomfortable Feelings
Discomfort is the main reason people are motivated to numb their feelings because it hurts. Whether it be emotional or physical pain, we are taught to avoid feeling. People avoid all kinds of discomforts including:
- Starting to exercise
- Feeling bored
- Reducing screen time
- Engaging in a difficult conversation
- Feeling awkward
- Dealing with conflict
Logically it makes sense to avoid feeling discomfort, because it hurts. However, we can make this discomfort turn into pain by judging it as ‘bad’ or telling ourselves that we won’t be able to ‘cope’.
It is not ‘the truth’ that we cannot cope this is just what we tell ourselves. We are far more capable than we think. For example, when we feel sad, we might feel an aching in our chest. The aching is not pain although it may scare us at first because we are not used to these feelings. In another moment, we may feel our heart rate increase or feel butterflies in our stomach, and we label these sensations as anxiety or feeling nervous. It doesn’t matter ‘why’ we are experiencing these feelings in our body; it is best to practice feeling the aching, pounding or jittery experiences. It sounds simple to feel emotion such as anxiety or to feel the pain of your clenched jaw, but it is not easy. The reason it’s not that easy to feel is because we have been taught to shut discomfort down.
What is the point of feeling discomfort?
The point of being willing to move toward and feel the discomfort in your body is essential for your health and wellbeing. When you are in the habit of numbing the pain and avoiding feeling, the body starts to break down by developing symptomology. You may experience increased cold and flu symptoms, fatigue, irritability, or become impatient or act out. You might be grappling with poor memory, loss of focus, or being distracted; leading to poor performance. Being in your body and connecting to your emotion can reduce so many physical symptoms and diminish clumsiness, forgetfulness and absent-mindedness.
Now is the time to wake up and feel. Feelings assist us in navigating through life and preventing our otherwise grey and dreary existence. We are used to hearing about the mind-body connection, but what about the emotion-body connection? Both emotion and sensations relate to feeling. This is the way forward to take charge of our health and experience a quality of life at a whole new level.